"The Notebook" Kind of Love

It's Valentine's Day. So I want to write about love. And let's be honest. Every teenage girl has dreamed of some day falling in love with her very own, Noah Calhoun.

But see, the thing is... I (secretly) always thought I would have chosen Lon Hammond, Jr.  The summer fling romance was too "Hollywood" for me. In real life, the girl would choose the guy who got along with her parents, could provide security, obviously loved her, and was extremely good looking. (Maybe it's because he has dark hair and blue eyes, my weakness.) Plus, they never fought and were perfect for each other. {Noah was just some infatuation from her teenage years, back when she didn't really understand love.} Stupid Allie - totally made the wrong choice.

I've thought this for years... until recently, that is. While watching The Notebook with my 24-year-old eyes, I saw something different (please excuse the language):

Noah: You're bored! You're bored and you know it! You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing.
Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.
Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fighting.
Noah: Well, that's what we do! We fight! You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass, which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Allie: So what?
Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard, and we're gonna have to work at this every day. But I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.

Now, there's no doubt that Lon loved her too. It takes a special man to accept his fiancee after she cheated on him... But Noah's love was different. His love was passionate, playful, committed, loyal. A love that can be harsh at times, but is always honest. A love that doesn't fade with time or good looks, because most importantly, it's a love that lasts. And I think the reason it lasts is because it takes work. It's something that you're always striving to improve, always working on, always changing and growing. It's never stagnant. It's a love that's challenging, but that's what makes it stronger.

I'm not sure why it took me so long to realize this... but the best way to distinguish it is this:
Lon Hammond, Jr. wouldn't have been living in that senior care home, next to his old wife with dementia, who didn't even know him most of the time. His love would have ended when things got hard. Allie & Noah's playful summer fling didn't adequately portray the depth of their love. It was loving Allie every day of her life, even when she was angry, or annoying, or mean, and even when she was old, wrinkly and not herself anymore. That is the essence true love. It's not a perfect fairy tale, happily ever after... it's a love that's real - something you can't understand until you experience it. But when you find it, you'll know. Maybe not right away, but eventually.

The silhouette birds soared into the orange horizon and mesmerizing music lulled me into a daydream as the credits scrolled across the screen - that's when it hit me.

I married my Noah Calhoun. We have The Notebook kind of love.

We fight. We tell each other how we feel and sometimes hurt one another's feelings, because we're honest. We don't keep anything inside, or let it build up. We say what we think and if it's painful, we work through it. It's definitely not easy and we challenge our marriage every day. But through it all, I never doubt my husband's love. I know he will never leave me. (Unless I get a virus and turn into a zombie, then we have agreed he must shoot me in the head ASAP. It would be difficult, but the appropriate gesture of true love in that situation.)

But seriously... I know if I become blind, or deaf, or paralyzed, or have dementia... he will be my "Noah," taking care of me and loving me forever.

And that's everything a girl could hope for.